A FREE GUIDE FOR PARENTS, FOR BOTH OF YOU
Nobody hands you a manual for what parenthood does to your sex life.
So here's one. Sex After Kids is a short, honest guide built for the two of you to read together. A page for what's happening in her body and mind, a page for what’s going on with him, and a few exercises to bring you back to each other. No shame, no "spice it up" nonsense. Just the real reasons the intimacy faded and a way back that fits an actual life with kids in it.
Free, and yours to keep. I won't spam you or share your email, and you can unsubscribe anytime.
Two things are true at once in your house right now.
You're not broken for not wanting sex. AND there's nothing wrong with you for wanting sex.
Most couples get stuck because only one of those gets said out loud, and the other one just quietly festers. One of you is touched-out, mentally maxed, and can't find the switch. The other feels every "not tonight" land like a verdict and has stopped reaching to avoid the sting. Both of you are lonely. Neither of you is the problem.
Here's the part almost no one names: for a lot of parents this was never really a "low libido" problem in the first place. When your brain is running a background program of naps, snacks, permission slips, and who-needs-what-when, arousal doesn't have anywhere to land. A packed mind can't get turned on. That's not a character flaw. That's the basics of neurology and its impact on the nervous system.
You didn't fall out of love. You fell into survival mode with another person you happen to love. This guide is about finding your way back to each other, on purpose.
Sex After Kids: A Guide for Both of You
This one's built to be read together, not alone in a shame spiral at 1am. Inside:
A page for her. What matrescence, the invisible load, and being touched-out actually do to desire, and why none of it means something is wrong with you.
A page for him. Why a repeated "no" lands as more than "not tonight," why there's no script anyone ever taught you for asking, and why your desire isn't the problem.
Trade-pages exercise. You each read the other's page, then work through five short prompts together, so you finally understand what it's like to be the other one right now.
A practical toolkit. The touch ladder, the bandwidth check-in ("I'm a 3 out of 10 tonight"), scheduling pleasure instead of sex, and a two-line repair for when the conversation goes sideways.
Read your own page first, privately. Then trade. The reflection questions are yours alone. The exercises are for the two of you.
Take the 5-minute quiz
Which of the Four Bedrooms are you in?
Every couple that stops having sex stops for a specific reason. The Four Bedrooms quiz is ten questions that sort you into one of four patterns, tell you what's actually happening underneath it, and give you one thing to try this week. Take it separately, then compare. The gap between your two answers is usually the conversation you've been avoiding.
Hi, I'm Cristine.
I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist and the founder of Made Whole Counseling here in West Seattle. I work with parents and couples on the stuff that's hard to say out loud, especially what happens to sex and intimacy once kids are in the picture.
My approach is warm, honest and comes with the perspective that nothing is necessarily ‘wrong’ with either of you. In sessions with me, we go deep quickly, so you can get back to your life. No years on a therapy couch, and no homework that turns your relationship into a second job. Just structured, judgment-free support that meets you in the actual season you're in.
This guide is the same reframe I offer couples in my office, distilled into something you can read before bed or during a nap-time coffee.
Cristine Steele, LMFT. Attachment-based, somatic, and mindful relational therapy for parents and couples. In person in West Seattle, and online across WA and TN.
This isn't a one-and-done download.
When you grab the guide, you'll also join a short email series that goes out twice a month. I'll walk you through the real reasons intimacy fades after kids, one at a time, for both partners, and what to actually do about each one. Real tools, written like a person.
If you want to go deeper, I've also put together Rewiring Connection, a ten-worksheet couples workbook you can work through together at home. You’ll learn more on that once your guide lands.
Your email is safe with me. I'll never share it, and you can unsubscribe with one click whenever you want. This guide is educational and isn't therapy or medical advice, but it's an honest place to start.